Monday, October 27, 2008

Rest, recovery, work and school.

This is what I've been up to. Now more than two weeks have gone by since Moab and I still have numbness and loss of sensation in my fingers and I'm still healing. I've been to the Doctor more days in the past 2 weeks than I have in 10 years and I'm still going. I am getting better but still not completely better, still can't ride, still can't run and can barely hike. I can't believe that this happened. It's crazy how sick I got and how fast it happened and how long the recovery road is.
Biking is my therapy, so not being able to do it lately has been tough. I know that rest now means health later. This has been quite the experience, the worst pain of my life. The pain still comes and goes and when going through treatments with my new best friend, my P.A., the pain can get out of hand to the point of tears. It has been a lesson for me though, as I try to see the good in every situation.

Not getting to podium in Moab has been hard to swallow but my health was/is more important and who knows what would have happened if I didn't stop when I did. I realize that maybe it wasn't my time and that my new friend, Kris Cannon needed to get 2nd that day instead of me. She rode strong and hard and was rewarded for her mighty efforts and she got to celebrate that. Of course there was that part of me that felt envy and sadness but once I could let that go and realize the selfishness behind it, I felt better, happier.

I want to thank all my friends who have supported me especially these past couple of weeks. Most understand how difficult it is for someone like me not to be able to do what I love most. My great friend Julie from Big Sky, Montana told me to "embrace the pain" as her pre-race advise. I shared this with Kris Cannon before Moab and we both copied the mantra onto a piece of duck tape and put it on our handlebars. I spoke with Julie about this the other day and she laughed as she most always does. Today I think about that and wonder if her advise can't be used for my post-race blues? Can I embrace the pain I'm feeling now? Not just the physical but the emotional. Maybe she spoke those words knowing that they were important for something else, maybe she didn't. I suppose embracing is accepting and just being, not changing, not judging. So, here I am 2 weeks after Moab, crying less, suffering less, stressing more. As I write I decide not to stress it anymore, worrying is wasteful. I trained this summer with Moab in mind, thinking that it would be my race, the one I was ready for. Well, I was ready, but someone or something had other plans so I have to just be. Sometimes life is out of our control and when we fight it we feel those unwanted feelings. The moral of the story? Simple, don't have expectations, just try your best and see what happens. Lynda Wallenfels quoted someone last year when she got sick right before Worlds (I think that was it). The quote went something like this "God takes things away from us that we care about sometimes to humble us." Perhaps I needed to be humbled. Don't we all?

5 comments:

Matt said...

You rock Cat! Welcome to the FUFC (F@#$%%d Up Fingers Club) - of which I am a founding member. I had so much fun breaking my fingers this winter that I decided to re-break the little one just a few weeks ago. Sorry to hear about all the hand pain but glad that you got a good lead on the treatment and - hey it's end of the season and not beggining or middle at least.

We'll look you guys up on our next trip up North...

Matt

Kris said...

Tell Julie to check out "whats new" on www.bwear.com and please tell her Thank You, I also put that on Fish' stem as well after the 3 of us had our van chat:) You did embrace it Cat!! I think that because we do train for such long races that they are a tad harder to get over when you don't meet your goals. You went out there and rode your butt off and sometimes things are just beyond our control. You will be back, most likely stronger than ever, and next year I wouldn't doubt your ability to take first in Moab! Can't wait till you are back on the bike and we can train together. Keep your spirits up and know that you are one amazing and awesome athlete!!
--Kris
and next year we will "Embrace the Sickness" again, hopefully with less sand and no 80 mile per hour winds:)

used2Bhard said...

Yikes! Sorry to hear what happened at Moab. I wish you a fast recovery!

Matt

Scaredy Cat said...

Hi Cat.

I found your blog when I was looking for other girls who ride 24hr events. It sounds like it's been a tough time for you - hang in there!! How's your recovery going?

Jude

gwadzilla said...

not sure if god had anything to do with it...

we push our limits
we learn out limits

hopefully you will heal up and recover fast
making this race another story for the campfire
as well as a lesson of some sort or the other

not sure if you have seen the film 24 SOLO

you should check it out
a fantastic film