Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Day 4 and 5 Water Fasting

Yesterday I woke up crying, for no particular reason.  Today I cried because I thought the guy that I bought my Pellegrino from was rude.  Emotional lability is a part of fasting.  I am also coming off of a low dose antidepressant and that can have side effects all on its' own.  I can't water fast and take meds, I could juice fast and do it but I wanted to water fast.  Plus I have wanted to come off Lexapro for a while and tried unsuccessfully this past winter.  I'm not crying a lot, just when I get a little tipped over as we say in the psychiatric nursing world.  No better time to clear a drug from your system than when you're fasting!

My weight is 141 and vital signs all normal.  The interns (MD students) and D.O.'s check on you twice daily.  These friendly faces visit inpatients once in the morning to take vitals, assess sleeping, symptoms of nausea, dizziness, pain, urination and irregular heart rate.  They also do a urinalysis when you arrive and on Mondays.  I got my blood drawn Monday, and my lab results are perfect.  I have what they call, cardiac awareness.  My heart beat is felt strongly in my gums, chest, Aorta, ears. It keeps me up at night, lovely!  It's pretty normal when you're fasting.  My back pain went from uncomfortable to bad yesterday, the massage helped but it came back today, just less intense. Back pain is caused a lot of times because of its proximity to so many organs.  As my kidneys and liver release toxins, I feel it.  I embrace it as it means I'm detoxing.  However, one intern informed me that they want to look at all possible reasons and it may not just be the detox alone.  Of course they want to make sure you don't have a injury, sprain, fracture, etc. I don't think I do. I'm feeling a bit better this afternoon and definitely not worse so I feel like I'm heading in the right direction. 

Lots of time on my hands here at True North.  I'm not really supposed to be doing much though, just resting, relaxing, meditating, praying, going to lectures, doing puzzles, talking with other patients, watching videos.  It's really a time to chill.  I was so looking forward to taking time off work to do this and after one or two days I started to get a little bored.  I'm not sleeping great, some people don't while fasting.  They don't worry too much as you don't have much to do and even though I'm not sleeping great, I get lots of down time otherwise, so my body is in fact resting.

I toss and turn at night before I'm able to sleep.  I awake before the sun.  It's a different tired feeling.  It's hard to describe, I have brain energy, not body.  My body feels energized on some levels and tired on others.  I think it's because I have no food and coming from a place where food contributed to my fatigue, not having it gives me more energy.  When I break my fast I will "refeed" slowly, starting with a vegetable juice and then something like steamed zucchini, and then gradually increasing from there.  RA is a touchy illness, it doesn't respond well to a LOT of food.  I'll be leaving with the list of safe foods.  The reintroduction of food is a sensitive process, flare ups are probable, I'm praying for a miracle though!  

My health is not just about eating.  I am finding the benefits of having a daily meditation and prayer practice. Fasting is a time of self absorption.  We talk about ourselves a lot, mainly our health. I'm learning valuable information from others, hearing their stories is uplifting and sometimes just a bummer.  My path is my path though and no matter what someone else's experience is, mine will be different.  It's interesting how many people come here not following the vegan SOS free diet and those that intend to return eating off "the plan".  The most successful patients are the ones that eat cleanly and follow this program.  They admit that one fast doesn't always do it and coming back a few times may be necessary.  I can use this as my vacation for the next few years to get well if necessary.  I am fasting 10 days and I have 41 years of who knows what in my system.  There are tiers to fasting, to healing.  I am optimistic and realistic and I still pray for complete healing and also pray for acceptance of what I am given.  I do intend to get back on my bike like before and I think I may be a force to be reckoned with, however in a way different than you're thinking!

Still in hunger, 


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